January 2008
26 posts
Dibs
I Am Duffy British? Check. Female singer? Check. Hot? Check. Still unknown? Check. Squilla doesn’t Myspace, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.
On dating
Squilla got a girl’s number two weekends ago. He never called her. On the surface, she met two main requirements — blonde and a nice rack. Upon further analysis though, Squilla and this girl had nothing in common. She was 5 years younger, down with J. h. C., and from Pittsburgh. Plus she was some sort of tax/insurance analyst. So that begs the question: Should Squilla have called...
Fear and Loathing in New York
Let’s play logic: If Squilla hates getting old, AND If Squilla is single and pretends he’s never getting laid again, AND If Squilla’s birthday is next week, AND If Squilla has an irrational fear of “missing out on his best days,” THEN It’s FEAR and LOATHING time! Squilla hates his birthday. He sees no point in getting old, although he’s had two girls tell...
Like oil to water
Oprah: if i ever had doubts/regrets about not being in a sorority
Oprah: my recent estrogen-packed wkend really confirmed i made the right decision
Squillaisdead: yes
Squillaisdead: you really hate women
Squillaisdead: which i think is great
Squillaisdead: i repel women
Oprah: LOLLLLL
I Have Nothing
Jerz: but again, i think that just classifies them [Kings of Leon] as great band of today. not of all time
Jerz: i mean, the beatles?
Squillaisdead: i mean
Squillaisdead: now you're talking bands in the pantheon of great bands
Squillaisdead: bands that exist on a slightly higher plane than just "best of all time"
Jerz: oh well i didnt realize we were talking so many levels of greatness
Squillaisdead: well
Jerz: you gotta define your scale
Squillaisdead: there's the Rock Gods
Squillaisdead: then there's best band of all-time
Squillaisdead: then there's best band of the current day
Squillaisdead: i feel like the Rock Gods
Squillaisdead: are what everyone would define as the Rock Gods
Squillaisdead: best band is much more personal
Jerz: then theres Squilla
Squillaisdead: and yes
Squillaisdead: Squilla is at the bottom
Squillaisdead: in the gutter
Squillaisdead: covered by beer and rotting fish
Jerz: but in japan
Jerz: at the top
Jerz: you'll always have whitney houston
Cake
“Short Skirt / Long Jacket” I want a girl with a mind like a diamond I want a girl who knows what’s best I want a girl with shoes that cut And eyes that burn like cigarettes I want a girl with the right allocations Who’s fast and thorough And sharp as a tack She’s playing with her jewelry She’s putting up her hair She’s touring the facility And...
Why Squillaisdead doesn't manage people...
Oprah: i need a sick ice-breaker for Community Day
Squillaisdead: everyone get naked and tell me your deepest self-conscious feelings about your body
Oprah: um
Squillaisdead: not intense enough?
Oprah: umm
Squillaisdead salutes you!
TOKYO, Japan (AP) — A teenager who posed as a wealthy playboy and went on an extravagant spending spree at a nightclub has been arrested after trying to skip out on his bill, police said Saturday. The 16-year-old boy entered a hostess bar in Niiza City near Tokyo on Wednesday night and — over the course of six hours — ordered two bottles of Dom Perignon champagne as well as 60...
“Sending ppl pdf links is like mo’ing w/ someone, then telling them u have...”
– Oprah (yes, we work at an Internet company)
On, Friendster! On, Facebook! On, MySpace, and...
OK, not LinkedIn, that’s just gross. But of the “social networks” that are, ostensibly, about stalking putting up random pictures of yourself and your friends, which is the best for finding potential dates? Squilla’s roommate says Friendster, which, in spite of the rumors of its demise, is actually still trafficked by young, New York-based, horny trolls. Like...
Oprah makes a joke about Squilla's sex life. ...
Contestant: I’ll take “Squilla’s Sex Life” for $800 Alex… Alex: “5” Contestant: What is the number of nights Squilla’s new dresser hasn’t gotten him laid? Alex: That’s correct. Choose again…
I'd go gay for him
Squillaisdead: predict the size of tom brady's wang
Alittlehomedepot: 9.2 inches
Squillaisdead: damn
Alittlehomedepot: lots of gurth
Squillaisdead: i was gonna go 8.5
Squillaisdead: but you're probably right
Alittlehomedepot: big balls too
Squillaisdead: i bet
Alittlehomedepot: walnuts if you will
If you're trying to get laid by hanging out...
Squillaisdead: that picture
Squillaisdead: i'm never eating
Squillaisdead: again in my life
Oprah: hahahah
Oprah: more chins than ever
Squillaisdead: i hate my life
Squillaisdead: thank you for not FB'ng that photo
Oprah: hahah np
Oprah: looking out for your status as a hot bachelor on the fbook prowl
Squillaisdead: correct
Squillaisdead: it's my only source
Squilla wants to party with Michael Ian Black
Something about “throwing up the MOST throw-up” sounds like a hell of a time. This is How I Party
101 ways to say no
Last night, Squilla’s friends decided that he is an “amateur” at internet stalking dating. Which is true. Squilla has more or less been in a relationship for the last 6 years. So I appreciated Marfan’s comment that internet dating is like cold calling — if you make a 100 cold calls you may get a 10% response rate. And that’s considered good. Squillaisdead is...
Episode 5, Scene 3: Squilla gets a denim tent at...
Oprah: just got an email from my roommate
Oprah: and this was the ps:
Oprah: "Send red sloppy ones to Squilla"
Just your average Tuesday night at Casa Squilla →
Oh hell yes. One day Squilla wants to be just...
So how was your New Year’s Eve? Bet it didn’t top the bash that Kenyon Martin threw, which doubled as a 30th birthday party (Dec. 30) for the Nuggets forward. Martin flew his teammates on three private jets to Miami and put them up at the Four Seasons Hotel. (Allen Iverson was a no-show because of family considerations.) The party was held at a private mansion in South Beach (duh!) and...
The Plan
Oprah: how exited are u for tmrw
Squillaisdead: beyond
Squillaisdead: i like love these things
Squillaisdead: if i send u a text message of my wang tomorrow, just ignore it ok (it's prolly a mass text)
Oprah: u better MO tmrw
Squillaisdead: oh
Squillaisdead: i will be MO'ng dudes if i have to
Oprah: yes.
If you blackout in a bar and everyone has already...
Squillaisdead: so anyway
Squillaisdead: yeah
Squillaisdead: these beer pong tournies
Squillaisdead: are bad news
Oprah: "bad"
Oprah: as in "good"
Squillaisdead: correct
Squillaisdead: as in "great"
“HOUMA, La.—A 265-pound man says a restaurant overcharged him for his trips to...”
– Something tells me this doesn’t happen in France.
Daily Advice Column
Squillaisdead: is it awkward that i poked a girl on facebook last night that i've never met
Oprah: yes it is - i get that a lot, and it's gross
Squillaisdead: haha
Squillaisdead: fuck
Squillaisdead: ok
Words of Wisdom
She doesn’t want to meet up with you at a bar at midnight, with me and meathead co-worker, watch you guzzle your weight in jack and cokes and then go back to her place for some completely unromantic, 30-second, half-limp jamming. That’s the guys method to getting laid and that obviously bombed completely.